A slight case of Trump derangement

I must admit it. Since the fateful elections earlier in November, I have found myself experiencing a floating anxiety right in the pit of my stomach – something I’ve not experienced in many years. I am constantly questioning myself as to what is bothering me, gnawing at my insides. I’m a worldly person. I’ve traveled extensively. I’ve seen many systems of government. I’ve stood in the shadow of great individuals and kept my cool with those who might be put into other categories. But this election, somehow, feels unique. I feel alone. I am unable to understand my fellow citizens and, certainly, I do not understand or respect the political figures who will be stepping into some of the most consequential positions on the world stage. Perhaps, the original sin lies in the belief that justice and higher-minded ideas actually count for something. Were we brainwashed in the 1950s to put presidents on pedestals; to pledge allegiance to the flag, and to assume that if we saw things that were wrong taking place before our eyes, we had no right to protest them? How is it possible For a criminal, convicted multiple times of felonies and for abusing women, to return to an office that he once held, despite the chaos and disaster and impeachments that followed him? Where are our morals? Is everything transactional now? “I don’t really like Trump, but I know he’ll get things done the way I want them.” What a cynical point of view to adopt, and yet it appears to be a common way of thinking these days. I can’t shake a feeling of dread. I try to tell myself that, living in Hawaii, what he does won’t affect me. But I know that it will. I know that there is a possibility that adverse changes will be made to my Social Security and to Medicare. I know that there is a very real chance that vaccine research and administration of vaccines during upcoming medical emergencies may become a thing of the past. I know that, right now, I do not feel safe and I don’t like this feeling. I fear that this feeling will last for a very long time, perhaps longer than I will. Regarding issues of the environment, we are teetering on the precipice of a level of destruction that we are unable or unwilling to imagine. Regarding the immigration crisis, something that has been an ongoing issue for many years, the idea of mass deportations and quick solutions only portends more disaster. What if the countries from which the immigrants fled refuse to repatriate them? And if they do, will their own infrastructure be able to support thousands of unemployed people shoved back into their workforce? Will the knock-on effect of ill-conceived, cataclysmic decisions continue for years to come? I try to think positively. I divert myself with small activities like putting up lights on the Christmas tree and baking a loaf of bread. But somehow, like a rabid dog, emotions of sadness, disappointment and, sometimes, fear appear and occupy my doorstep and I cannot put them in their proper place. There is only so much bread one can bake before throwing up one’s hands and asking “what’s the point?“